The Untold Story Of Horatio And His Sunglasses
by Dante620
Summary: Alternative present - Speedle is still alive, Ryan Wolfe is in the squad, there is no Natalia Boa Vista. Horatio Caine begin to solve the crime simply seeing the victims. What's happening? Eric and Ryan investigate. ATTENTION: This is not a serious story
1. Chapter 1

CHAPTER 1 – HAMSTER

Dirty stockings on the floor covered by a shirt and a little bag of a local Chinese restaurant. A glass broken made red liquid dropping from a table and going to the floor, dirtying the tiles which were not very beautiful anyway (flowery things...). A smell of something like burning plastic and sweat afflicted the room and the absolutely fantastic idea to make it facing the sun made the room hot as hell. The rolling shutters were down but because they NEVER shut down completely, a little gleam of light would touch your face if you have the balls to sleep in the devastated single bed of this room.

But where are we? What is this room for?

Is it maybe the ante-room of a dentist's study?

Is it the bedroom of a college student that decided to do his science project on strong resistance materials?

Is it maybe a place where someone was killed with a not-so-good wine so he chocked to death?

Is it a crime scene where a young man killed his woman only because toasts stuffed with grape jam make him go to the toilet at the speed of light?

Or is this the purgatory or the tenth level of hell where there are the old men that when they see someone who they had seen years ago they say "I saw you when you where little like this! How you are grown!".

No, it's only the bedroom of a CSI agent.

Detective Eric Delko's room was a complete mess since Calleigh went his house last night. They played Monopoly, of course. The Chinese food in the plate became the color of green grass when a dog pisses on it, and also the smell was like it; the red wine became a permanent presence in the room because it was pretty much absorbed by the tiles cement, donating it a strange color, a kind of red tone that doesn't exist in nature. Probably even the wine was made with grapes that doesn't exist in nature.

Eric was sleeping in a position that made him and the bed a plus symbol. His head was pointing at the floor and his feet were on the floor, making him a weird c-shape.

This beautiful scene was completely destroyed by the terrifying sound of doom: the ringing of the mobile phone.

"Sgrunt" tried to say Eric trying to find his Nokia blindly with his hand.

"Here is Horatio, get your ass here in 5 minutes". "Tum Tum Tum Tum".

A simple message, a simple order, a more simple question: where?

_Fuck, I'm calling him._

"Holly street nr. 52" said Horatio at the phone with Eric.

Shirt, trousers, stockings, shoes watch, wallet, sunglasses and... oh forgot the underpants!

Shirt, underpants, trousers, stockings, shoes watch, wallet, sunglasses and car keys. Ready to go!

Finding the street is not a problem, the problem is finding the boss. In Holly street there were so many cops Eric thought it was an action movie directed by Spielberg, but then here he is... Horatio Caine (sunglasses and everything).

"Eric"

"Horatio... What do we have here?"

Speedle was already taking photos of the victim and of the location, Calleigh was trying to find some evidences and Alexx was talking with the dead body.

"We don't know his name, but we know that was killed with a stab in the breast".

"Two stabs and eye removal, probably he was still alive when they teared his eyes" said Alexx.

"Thank you..." said sarcastically Horatio.

The corpse was pretty big and strong, an adult man over 40 with a strange tattoo on the neck. On his breast there was a very large cut with some dust around it mixed with blood. His eyes had no look, he had no eyelids nor ocular bulbs, the killer must have teared it before killing the man. What a horrible way to die.

"Ok guys, go to Hamster and arrest him" said Horatio.

Calleigh stood up and looked at Horatio in a expression that can be summed with the expression: "What the fuck?". Eric knitted his eyelashes and said Calleigh's face expression, Speedle stopped doing photos and tried to comprehend Caine's bizzare phrase. Alexx continued talking with the corpse.

"What's the problem? Hamster is guilty. Go to him and arrest him, he will confess his horrible crime".

"We didn't talked about choking death" said Calleigh.

"What?"

"Did the victim ate a hamster?" asked Eric while Speedle put a hand on his elbow.

"What? Not hamster the pet! Mr. Joel Hamster!"


	2. Chapter 2

Please guys read and review! Or Horatio will come to my home and kill me with a bad performance of Hamlet (drunk)! (I accept also anonymous reviews!)

PS. I know my English is really bad but... please survive it! (Thanks for not pointing it!)

CHAPTER 2 – A HAMSTER KILLED A MAN

"Sorry?" Eric Delko.

"Where are the evidences?" Calleigh Duquesne.

"What are you talking about?" Tim Speedle.

"All these people are bothering you?" Alexx Woods (at the corpse).

Horatio seemed like a criminal during an interrogatory. Even if his order appeared very simple it seemed incredible that a man like him, very analytic, scientific and so cool with sunglasses would have said that phrase. In fact it would have been strange going to arrest someone without doing any investigation. Maybe interrogate him would have been a more simple and sensible thing to do, but not this time; Horatio wanted Joel Hamster in a prison cell.

"What's the problem guys? It's a simple order. Go to Joel Hamster and arrest him! I have already the permission." Horatio appeared not only angry but also very decided.

"I understand a order but... you know... we need evidences! All we have is only a unidentified corpse! Calleigh tell also you that!" Speedle argued.

"Tim is right Horatio! Why are you so sure that he is the murderer? Did you see he killing him?"

"Did Horatio see you when you were killed my friend?" _Guess who say this_. (An extra life and 500 points are the prizes).

"Ok guys... maybe I haven't been very clear. Joel Hamster killed this guy, I know it. Try only to go and interrogate him! He will confess. I'm fucking damn sure!".

Everybody in the area seemed to hear Horatio's last sentence like it has been said by a speaker at maximum volume. He wasn't screaming and he didn't take off his glasses, so he mustn't have been so angry or so upset. Strange things in a strange man someone would say, for the three CSI agents it was only an absurd order said by his suspiciously mentally ill boss. They looked at each other, a bit scared, very confused. There were only two ways to end that thing: being fired or go to Hamster. The first option didn't seemed very appreciated.

"Ok, Me and Calleigh are going." Calleigh looked at Tim like she would say: "What? Are you completely insane you freak?"

"Ok, he lives in Rodry street n. 22. We'll se at the headquarter".

Then Calleigh and Tim left the area leaving Eric with Horatio and Alexx.

"Did I miss something?"

"No, continue talking with the corpse" then Horatio walked at the car and left Eric and Alexx.

An half hour after, they met at the CSI headquarter.

Interrogatory room, Ryan Wolfe was sitting looking at Joel Hamster, a middle-age man with a little toupee that can be best described as a dead cat that had a bad day at the local junkyard. Joel appeared very nervous, as if Ryan Wolfe would have killed him with an axe. He looked at the CSI agent, the CSI agent looked at the man, they where looking each other for like 5 minutes when Horatio entered the room.

"Ryan, did he confess?"

No response.

"Ryan?"

No response again.

"RYAN!"

Ryan leaped up "Ah!... Yes boss?".

"Did he say something?"

"Nothing at all, he didn't say a word while we took him here, but he looks quite nervous. He had no attorney and he didn't even say that he wanted one!"

His hand nails were disappeared, he was chattering his teeth like he was completely naked in the north pole with a sexually awkward polar bear.

Horatio looked at Ryan twisting his head slowly.

"Leave the room Ryan"

Ryan left, then the interrogatory began.

"What were you doing yesterday night?"

Hamster's eyes were yellow and watery, he was scared as hell.

"I was... watching the TV!"

"What was on?"

"Ehm... some strange game show."

Hamster started to put his hands between his hair. He scratched his head nervously.

"What was the name of the show?"

All the CSI agents where out the room trying to assist at the wonderful show. Alexx and Eric looked confused, Calleigh stood with her arms folded.

"Dd...d...d...Double Dare".

"Mr. Hamster... Double Dare has not been transmitted on TV for years"

"Ooooooooooh!" The audience from out the room.

Joel Hamster was scratching his head so violently and so hardly he could remove his head skin and scratch his skull. His teeth cheeking speed surpassed speed of light and even speed of darkness.

"Ugh... Ehm... Uh... _(Fuck)_ Ar..."

Horatio, with his consumed coolness just said...

"Now I'll repeat the question... What – Where – You – Doing – Yesterday – Night? (knocking the hands on the table) Where you killing someone?"

"What? … N – no!"

"SO WHAT WHERE YOU FUNCKING DOING?"

"I was sleeping to my mother!"

"WEREN'T YOU WATCHING AT THE TV?"

"N – no, no! Well – Well... ye...yes"

Trying to destroy the table Horatio kindly asked:

"FUCK! DECIDE! YES OR NO?"

"N-No-Yes-Fuck... y..y...yes"

"YES OR NOOOOOO!"

Hamster's voice exploded

"NO! I WAS KILLING THAT SON OF A BITCH! I RIPPED OFF HIS EYES AND KILLED HIM WITH A BUTTER KNIFE! HE TOOK FIFTEEN MINUTES TO DIE! AND HE CONTINUED SCREAMING! SHIT! AAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRGHHHH!"

Scream – o - rama case closed.

"What the hell?" Asked the Greek chorus out the interrogatory room.


	3. Chapter 3

WARNING! THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS STRONG LANGUAGE AND DISTURBING SCENES  
KIDS, COWARDS OR LAMPS SHOULD NOT READ THIS CHAPTER!

ENJOY IT (If you want)!

CHAPTER 3 – MY BEST WORST FRIEND

Joel Hamster was taken in Miami prison and Horatio went in his office. Eric and the rest of the CSI agents were still stunned by Horatio's case resolution.

No one would have been not astonished seeing his boss react in such way during an interrogatory, but also understand who killed someone simply looking at the body. Horatio said he didn't see the murder happening, so maybe someone would think he is hiding something. But it's not Horatio style, he is not that kind of cop: he never accepted bundles, he is probably the most attached at his work person in the entire world ("To protect and to serve"). He only wears shirts and jackets (even with 45°C on direct sunlight), he only wears Ray Ban sunglasses (day and night), he has never be seen with a pajama or in slippers, someone think he even sleeps dressed like a James Bond flick. So what is his secret?

Eric and Ryan decided that coffee would have been a good start for this new investigation, so heading to the lab, where a very big boiler of volcanicly hot coffee was waiting to be drunk. Eric didn't really liked coffee but when you have to remove seaweeds from a dead body all the night maybe even a cup of coffee with some acid in can be a good idea!

"Well... I have no words" said Eric taking a cup of coffee.

"I have only one word: absurd" Ryan seemed very calm.

"No ok... this is not absurd... this is... freakin' insane! I mean... What the hell? The boss just knew that Hamster was the murderer? This is not scientific, this is only... fucking magic!"

In that moment Eric's mind went back back back... when CSI was only a little Miami police cell, Alexx didn't talked with corpses and Horatio Caine wasn't Miami's Jessica Fletcher. Delko's sister Marisol was killed after Horatio married her, she was interested in voodoo practices.

"Be cool sea boy, there must be a logical explanation... You know Horatio from a longer time, did he ever act this way in the past?"

Eric knew his boss better than anyone else and he was very very used to his investigations ways: analytic, rational and very precise, not only he was the best detective he has ever known but he was also a "friend (as much a boss can be a fiend for his "slave")". Horatio was a strange man but he never acted that way.

"No, he can be a little awkward but... no, he never arrested the killer simply looking at the victim's body"

Ryan's coffee was very hot and when he was going to drink a little sip he left the cup, breaking it ofr it's falling on the floor.

"Ahh! It's hot!"

"Wow! The obsessive compulsive general handyman put KO by a cup of horrible coffee! This must the grand – champion of coolness and utility!"

"Do I need to tell you how useless and stupid are you? Who the hell sneezes on the crime weapon?" Said Ryan with a little grimace trying to find something to dilute his 400 °C tongue.

"Well "Wednesday" did you have ever done something really important for yor group? Probably even your ancestors were apathetic as you!"

Eric drank his coffee without really tasting him, well let's say it clear, he tasted that conversation more than a portion of hot chili. Unfortunately Ryan was going to put some poison in the chili.

"I can be apathetic but also very comforting! Tell Calleigh to gimme a call when she wants to stay with a REAL man!"

Like a volcano, like an explosion, like a nuclear bomb that destroys pretty much everything except a little fridge where Indiana Jones was hiding Eric and Ryan began what I like to call "Pointless Insulting Fest"!

"Fuck you!" Eric.

"Fuck YOU!" Ryan

"Shut Up!" Eric

"YOU Shut Up!" Ryan

"Shit sucker!" Eric

"Piss drinker!" Ryan (wow... what imagination...).

"Piece of shit covered in mud!" Eric.

"Road killed slob covered in mud, shit and dog piss with with a contour of dead ants, pigeon shit worms and a little bit of lemon! " Ryan.

"Big... WHAT THE HELL?" Eric.

The two agents looked at each other, Ryan had said one of the most disgusting, yet, absurd thing that a perverse human mind could imagine. When the two guys realized that (5 minutes) they laughed! Non-sense at its best! There's nothing better than the emblem of uselessness and a socially awkward man laughing at something really stupid!

"Ok... ok... (10 seconds of silence) I have a work to do!" Eric.

"Yeah... me too. See you for a coffee in... a half hour?" Ryan.

"Obviously not." Eric left the lab smiling and laughing under his mustache for his stupidity.


	4. Chapter 4

CHAPTER 4 – MIAMI KNIGHT

The following days Horatio continued to solve crimes in his new way, his popularity increased so much he became some sort of hero in Miami.

He arrested a guy that was going to leave America for Italy, he killed three women eating their mouths.

He arrested a young lady that killed his husband with a perfect knife launch in the head.

He almost killed a very bad, red-haired, actor that went on killing spree when he discovered that his last movie dind't go to the Oscar.

He arrested... well I think that's enough.

"Horatio Caine's new endeavor makes Miami crazy..."

"Local hero Lieutenant Caine..."

"+69% arrest rate in the last 5 days"

Newspapers, blogs, podcasts and TV news were full of his photos and stories. He became a living legend. People on the streets talked about him, David Letterman wanted him as special guest every time... probably Ray-Ban would have made a series of sunglasses inspired by... his sunglasses.

Six days after the first arrest Miami's major called Caine and all the CSI agents for a public ceremony to declare Horatio "Official Local Hero"

That day all TV networks were in, Calleigh and Wolfe were near the Lieutenant, Speedle, Delko and Alexx were just behind them. Horatio didn't look like nervous or really moved, maybe also because he was wearing his sunglasses. At 10:00 AM the ceremony began:

"Today we want to thank a man, a detective, (little hesitation) a hero..."

Calleigh eyes were humid, Eric was already sleeping, and Ryan... was Ryan.

"For his help, to the fight against the crime... that make our beautiful city not safe... dangerous!"

Horatio was a perfect stone statue. Even Rick Stetler was there but he was a bit apart.

"My friends... these are really... really hard days... the darkness is on us... while we'll be drinking a good mojito..."

Eric woke up when he heard "mojito" and said "What? Where is the mojito?"

"There isn't any drink here, come back to dream world." Calleigh tone said everything...

Instead, Eric didn't return sleeping but he followed the ceremony.

"Someone could mug us or kill us... But fortunally there are illuminated people that will save us... people like... Lieutenant Horatio Caine!"

A roaring applause came from the audience, everybody in the room participated that moment, everyone but not one... Yelena. She stood in the shadow like a thief and observed the situation arms crossed, standing on her feet, and not sit.

Finished the applause the major took a little ceremonial scepter, walked slowly towards Caine and raised the scepter like he was going to beat him up.

"Lieutenant... Mister Horatio Caine... with the power given me... by the city of Miami..."

Eric interrupted the major and said plain:

"I will declare you wife and husband..."

He laughed under his moustaches, Calleigh nudged him that coughed in pain. The major continued frowning.

"I will declare you Miami Knight, local hero!"

Roaring applause, Horatio stood impassive while the major touched him with the scepter. Alexx started to cry, Speedle watched interested, Delko was bended in pain for the hit. Yelena left the room.

After the ceremony in the same room the local McDonald offered a little refreshment composed by little Big Macs™ , French Fries, MC Toasts™ , MC Flurry™ and Raccoon Testicles™.

Eric talked with Ryan:

"What do you think about the major speech?"

Ryan simply said: "Look... I think I've never heard so much bullshits in three minutes my entire life... horrid".

"I don't think so... it was better than most of Bush speeches."

"How much did you sleep?"

Alexx talked with the major's wife:

"You know... when the corpse starts to smell it's the sign that there is something strange inside his liver so you have to cut the membrane, paying attention not to get some blood splats int the mouth..."

The major's wife had a retching, the vomit moment was near.

"...and that time a piece of glass was stuck into his neck, making his blood splitting everywhere, I had to remove it firstly I had to cut his skin around the glass aspiring the blood and pieces of chewed food with a little extractor fan..."

The major's wife vomited some Raccoon Testicles on the shoes of his husband that unfortunately passed near her.

Calleigh ate a Big Mac and went near Horatio that was standing in the middle of the room (SMILING!)

"Congratulations boss... and now?"

"Now what?" said politely winking behind his glasses.

"Now we go... at the Luna Park!".


	5. Chapter 5

_I know it passed a long time from my last update, but I went on holiday far far away, so... sorry!_

CHAPTER 5 – "FUN" AT THE LUNA PARK

Horatio never went in a Luna park with his colleagues and probably he has never wondered how it would have been looked like, but that night the CSI was going to have a lot of fun in Miami fun park.

"Let's go on the Vomitator!"

"No Eric, you would dirt my new shoes!" Ryan said (with a really hard effort).

Everybody laughed, even Horatio, under his sunglasses.

It was not plain day, it was 9:17 PM and it was dark, so... why does he had his glasses on? Calleigh asked him.

"Horatio... why don't you take off your sunglasses? There is not sun."

Horatio rotated his head and just said with a looooong smile: "I never go anywhere without my Ray-Ban™" Calleigh did a little laugh, Horatio continued walking and said:

"Why don't we do a little shooting contest?"

"Yeeeeee!" Eric, Calleigh, Speedle.

"Yeeeeee! (_There will be dead men?_)" Alexx.

"... (_Yeeeeeee!_)"Ryan.

Shooting gallery managed by the old Richard Gritt, an old friend of Speed, Tim used to help him finding a new house when a pyromaniac bastard burnt his old one, and he arrested him, for this the whole group played a game for free, the other ones... not.

Of course the greatest problem in this situation is establish who will go for first to shoot.

"I go!" "No I go!" "No I go!" "No I don't go!"

Then Horatio decided: "Ryan goes first". Ryan smiled and grabbed the pistol.

"If you shoot 10 cans you obtain a stuffed rabbit, 20 a little toy gun, 40 a MP4 player and 50 and 30 dollars a cheap DVD player, or 50 cans for a toy AK-47, you have 50 shots per game."

Simple enough, even for Eric. Ryan pointed the gun at the cans and shoot.

Bang Bang BANG! 21 cans hit. A chinese toy gun is his prize.

"Well now you can train your aim!" Laughed Eric, no one did a single smile, so he lowered his head like a bad stupid child that said a foolish thing. Now it was Speed turn.

"Go Tim! (_maybe now we will have some dead men!_)"

Tim shoot: Bang Bang Bang!. 31 cans hit, but he decided for the toy rabbit rather than the gun.

Alexx turn. Bang Bang! 14 cans hit, he would have won a rabbit toy to kill and talk with.

"That was a bit..." started Horatio.

"Let me conclude... embarassing?." Alexx continued laughing and wondering what to do with the rabbit.

Eric turn was a disaster... Bang! 8 cans hit, nothing for him.

"You suuuuuck!" Ryan, Speedle and Horatio together.

"It's only because I'm not very trained!"

"Aaaaaah so alse when you are in the b-..." Eric closed her mouth before she could complete the sentence. "Now it's my turn, gimme the gun pussies! Now you'll see how a REAL woman shoots!"

Eric didn't understand.

Calleigh harmed the pistol with strength, she could even feel the homicidial power that little pistol, even if it was a fake plastic-shooter gun; her finger on the trigger trembled while she was taking the aim then... BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! 43 hit!

"Yeeeee! I always wanted to have a cheap MP4 player to use instead my new generation Ipod Touch costed me 300$!" She was happy.

Now it was Caine's turn, never taking off his sunglasses he, took position like he was at the polygon, then grabbed the gun with a hand and rotated it between his fingers and made it jump on the other hand, then, like in a stylish action movie, he put the gun straight at the cans and shoot.

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! 50 hit!

"Wow!" Calleigh and Speed reaction was of pure admiration, Eric was pissed of, Ryan was an amoeba and Alexx wondered which marvelous things do with his rabbit toy.

"We have a winner! What do you want?" Asked the guy behind the desk.

"I like BIIIIIG guns... so give me the Ak please." While he was saying this he looked at Calleigh like the Fonzie way.

After that joyful moment Eric and Speed went on the Vomitator because they didn't remember what they ate that afternoon, Calleigh and Alexx bought some popcorn and did other games, Horatio and Ryan went at the little Arcade present there.

"Do you like this game?" Asked Horatio at Ryan.

"Metal Slug? Yeah sure! I love it!"

"Ok let's play" Horatio inserted 2 coins in the machine and started to play co-op.

The game lasted 15 minutes (they beat it), then they moved where Dance Dance Revolution was, Calleigh was playing with Alexx, song "Speed Over Beethoven", beginner mode.

"Wow It's simpler kill bad guys in Time Crisis!"

"I prefer cut stomachs and open heads!"

Horrible score, but they had a lot of fun.

Horatio raised the head jumped on the game and said with an apocalyptic voice:

"OK! Who want some?"

42 people looked at him like he was crazy. Then one came and said "I want".

Three songs, three games, Horatio beat him in every possible way a man can be humiliated in that game, the Lieutenant score was 25 times bigger than the guy one.

"Who's next?"

"Me" Eric appeared from behind the crowd.

"I don't wanna hurt you" said Caine with some challenge spirit.

"You won't" replied the Useless leaving a kiss at Calleigh.

First song: "La Copa De La Vida" difficulty: "Heavy"

Horatio's feet looked invisible, he was so fast even a hyper-technological equipment couldn't slow down in a video, Eric was pretty able, he missed some arrows but very fast instead.

Winner: Horatio

Second song: "Hysteria" difficulty: "Heavy"

Same as before, but here it was more about rhythm sense than speed, so Eric was advantaged because he knew the song very well.

Winner: Eric

"How about a real challenge?"

"Absolutely kid"

Last song: "Afronova" difficulty: "Impossible (even a champ would fear this difficulty setting)"

Eric was completely wet, Horatio no, but very fatigued instead, their feet started to burn, even the machine looked like it was going to explode, but at the end Horatio was better than Eric.

Winner: Horatio

The present people clapped the hand not only for the winner, but also for the loser, for his speed and strength, but Caine had girls.

The group walked on the street, Delko was more dead than alive, but the thought of a good Mojito helped him a lot.

"Ah, sorry, I forgot my jacket at the Arcade, I'll be back in a second." Caine returned back.

"Me too, wait a sec" said Wolfe 10 seconds after the leaving of the boss.

While he was going he saw Horatio taking the jacket and coming back, then some stupid kids approached him and said:

"Hey you, Why are you wearing sunglasses? I don't see any sun! Are you maybe a spy? Ah Ah Ah!"

Horatio in a fraction of a second approached the little kid nearer and went with his mouth near the kid's hear.

"If you and your little shits don't leave this place right now I'll brake you your arms, rip a leg and impale with it, do you understand little piece of shit with legs and ass on the face?"

The little jerks ran away, no one took care of that scene, no one except Ryan.


	6. Chapter 6

CHAPTER 6 – I LOVE YOUR DANCE

Heading to the disco near the Luna Park, the "Dreamerz" Eric Delko had a shock moment considering that he has been beaten by Horatio at DDR, the idea of a mojito helped him to RIPRENDERSI.

"22 dollars please" said the guy out the disco, not very full of people, maybe because mainly there, there was commercial music. Horatio looked with his glasses at the man behind the desk and said.

"We are CSI, we don't need to pay... right?"

"Ehm... no, I'm... I'm sorry guys, have a nice night!"

"Thanks, jerk". The group entered with Delko half dead and the other people pretty surprised.

The disco wasn't very big of crowded, but offered good fun for everybody, also because the DJ knew what was best to put in. Rarely happened brawls and, obviously, drug was present, but fortunately not in enormous amounts. In a room the DJ put in the newest hits, in another room there was Caribbean music, an excellent barman called Kyle Jerry made the best mojito of the whole city.

"Kyle, a mojito please" Eric knew the barman, not a friendship, just reciprocal respect.

"What do you drink?" Asked Calleigh to Alexx.

"A Bloody Mary please"

_Really? _Ironically thinking.

Ryan wasn't thirsty, Horatio took a little glass of Wiskey and Speed a Coke & Havana.

The DJ put in "Waka Waka", Shakira's last song, pretty good, even when you hear it every time in every fucking TV channel, radio or person that talk!

"I love this song! Let's dance Alexx!" Wow, Calleigh drunk only after a Strawberry Vodka!

While that freakin' dance number was going, Eric was already at the third mojito, he regained his strenght, but his brain cell (only one, poor man), was burnt at the moment. Speed talked to Horatio:

"How are you these days? I really don't understand why you are wearing sunglasses here."

"I feel like a demon reaching paradise and killing all the angels. (Pause, insane look at Speed) I'm freakin' cool, another whiskey? "

"Sure! Thanks!" Speed looked at the glass, full of delicious alcohol and took a sip. "Wow... miss Ducaine there is so hot..." Referring to a person that danced quite badly a stupid house song.

"Yeah... So hot" Horatio stopped drinking a moment and looked at Calleigh So hot...

He put the glass on the table and entered the half desert dance floor taking off his jacket.

"DJ! Cut this shit! Put on something... (Pause) COOL!" He looked a bit frightening.

Eric was hardly on his foot after the seventh mojito, when suddenly Ryan tried to communicate with him.

"Eric... I have to tell you something."

"..."

"Eric it's important!"

"..."

"Holy shit wake up jerk!"

"... (pause) uh?"

While this pathetic scene was going on the DJ did the unthinkable: he put on Billie Jean! But don't worry, Michael Jackson should not turn over in the coffin.

Horatio danced Billie Jean like the old Mike, if not better, moonwalk, turns and an incredible grace in doing the moves made Horatio the king of the night. "Billie Jean..."

"Fuck Eric! Do you see it?" Returning back to our drunk "friend" and the amoeba.

"A rabbit?" Ryan lost his patience. He grabbed Eric's head with strenght.

"Listen stupid sea boy! An hour ago Horatio almost kicked a child's ass only because he asked him why he is wearing sunglasses, and now he is a dancer? HE COULD BARELY JUMP!"

Out of order.

"Oh fuck you useless shit!" Then he went away.

"Uh?" Eric.

Calleigh looked at Horatio like a hungry wolf looked at a piece of meat. The lieutenant at the end of the song did a Travolta move at Calleigh. Applauses and whistles.

2:00 PM. Next song: Thriller.

Horatio grabbed Calleigh's hand and dragged her on the dance floor to have an incredible show. Jennifer Grey and Patrick Swayze were nothing in confrontation, even the always blocky Calleigh looked like a professional dancer. Fortunately Eric was too busy in vomiting to understand what was happening. Alexx had her eyes popped out the orbits, Speed was busy in drinking and an angry Ryan observed the situation very attentively. The thriller dance was perfect, even some other people followed the old Caine.

End of the song, everybody left the disco.


	7. Chapter 7

CHAPTER 7 – INSIDE SHARK'S MOUTH

It was a cold morning like there weren't since a while in Miami, a November day in June; yawning for boredom a security guard of Miami penitentiary was doing his morning control in the "killer section" or as policemen call it: "Where God was dead". The worst people you could imagine were not there, they were outside, continuing spreading public wealth for themselves or for their boats, instead we had only persons who killed other persons in particularly bizarre or creative ways. Lee Rory killed his wife tying her at the bed and cutting her in pieces with a spoon, pretty painful. Frank Jepow broke all the bones in his friend body then he cut his head because he entertained his wife while he was in New York playing doctor with his secretary, and also there was Gregory Terri that killed three people forcing them to watch "_Batman & Robin_" and "_Disaster Movie_" five times continuously. Incredibly, even Joel Hamster was there, in a 0.5mt. X 0.5mt. cell sleeping on his bed completely relaxed, like he was OK with his soul. The sink in his cell started to drip like every morning and every fucking night, the walls were covered by a strange unknown, and really stinky, sort of liquid which we can assume it's a combination of sweat, piss, sperm and bad dreams. The bed wasn't a lot better, even a Japanese samurai would have found it pretty uncomfortable.

"Ronf... Ronf... Ronf..." slept the assassin.

"Will this piece of mud stay there for long?" Asked a guard to another one.

"His execution will be next week, so he doesn't have a lot to spread air. Motherf..." He restrained his despise when he saw his superior chief passing the corner.

All the prisoners where very calm, except the lunatic psycho B.J. Jethro, no one knew what the initials "B" and "J" meant, and nobody cared a shit of it.

"I'll be your worst nightmare motherfuckers! I'll eat your dick and torture your daughter! YES YEEES!" Stupid scum.

"Ronf... Ronf... Ro... R... Uh, mmm..." Hamster woke up.

"Uh... "_What a headache" _Shit... what?" His eyes where out of their orbits and he trembled like a leaf, it was like he didn't recognize the place.

"What... where the fuck am I? HEY! HEEEEYY!" He started screaming.

"He's alive! He'll fuck you all FUCK YOU AAAAALLL!" Scum.

The guards took the phaser and stunned Joel Hamster and Jethro.

"What lady? Don't you like your suite?".

"WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING? WHY AM I HERE?"

"Oh, the fucker doesn't remember! (Laughs) Don't you remember the kind of work that you did on my cousin! You... YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL LAUGH WATCHING YOU DYING!"

"What... I don't know what are you talking about!" "Greet that the chief is in the near room or i'll beat until your eyes will bleed."

The guards left Joel and B.J.

"Why am I here! WHY AM I HERE!"


End file.
